Tracy Press

Looking back, his mother, Jan Martinez, said it was devastating to lose her son in a vehicle accident on July 14, 2004. But support from other military parents who also lost children has helped her in immeasurable ways.

"They called right away and said if I ever need anything or need to talk, they were right there," she said. "I’m still in contact with a few of them, and three or four of us are really good friends now."

Now she wants to get in contact with the family of Pfc. Bruce Salazar Jr., who lived in Tracy right before he joined the U.S. Army in January 2006. Salazar was killed in Iraq on July 6.

Martinez said Salazar and her son might have been acquainted several years ago, long before they joined the Army. Both men were about the same age and both attended Davis High School in Modesto at the same time.

"I’m wondering if they knew each other," Martinez said.

Most of all, she said, she hopes she can offer a comforting word to help Salazar’s family through the grief. It’s a common trait among Gold Star parents who have lost sons or daughters in wartime.

"I usually just say, ‘I’m sorry about your loss, and I know what you’re going through,’" she said.

Tracy’s Martinez and Loretta Bridges, whose son, Army Staff Sgt. Steven Bridges, died in an accident in Iraq in December 2003, are active with Central Valley Compassionate Friends, a support group for anyone who has lost a child, regardless of how it happened.

As Bridges was one of the early casualties in the war, his family got lots of media attention but didn’t have much contact with other parents who lost sons or daughters in the war.

"It was all new for us," Loretta Bridges said. "We just didn’t want other parents to go through the same thing."

She said that on one hand, as a mother who has lost a son, she appreciates the contact with other parents who know what she and her husband, Sheldon, have experienced. On the other hand, families of those who have lost children in the war also must contend with publicity around how their children died.

"We’re in the public eye with our grief, and we want to be left alone with it," she said. Bridges said she has left messages for Salazar’s mother, Margaret Susan Ruiz, but doesn’t expect to hear back from her right away.

"I just leave it to her to call us when she’s ready," Bridges said. "It’s a time when you don’t want a lot of people around. You want to be with family."

Scott Conover said he and his wife, Julia, appreciated contact from other military families after their son, Marine Lance Cpl. Brandon Dewey, was killed in Iraq last January.

"It was overwhelming at first," he said. "Some just let us know that they were there for us; it was really comforting at the worst possible moment."

Conover added that he and his wife quickly learned that it would be part of their own healing process if they, in turn, reach out to others who have lost children in the war.

"We wanted to let people talk to us, because it helps them, too, people who have gone through the same thing," he said. "A lot of people were there for us, so we have to give it back."