Comments for A plan to live and die by at http://tracypress.com , comment 1 to 13 out of 13 comments http://tracypress.com Fri, 21 Nov 2008 20:56:05 +0100 FeedCreator 1.7.2 http://tracypress.com/content/view/15377/2244/#comment-56522 One last thing. There are two Power's of Attorney you will need as well. One is financial, so you can handle their financal matters. The other is a Durable Medical Power of Attorney which you will need to make all medical decisions including "pulling the plug" (and I don't mean to be disrespectful here) when there is no possibility of recovery. Having a Do not Resusitate order on file with the paramedics and hospitals is also something you need to do and a good idea to keep with the person at all times. The reason is that in some states, once life support is given, it takes a court order to have it removed. This varies from state to state as does the power of attorney privleges as well. So you really need to check with some professional in the field of geratric law to make sure you have covered all the bases to minimize the grief you will have should and when you have to excercise those types of decisions. I am offering all of this information out of love and respect. I had to learn these things the hard way and would like all of you to learn from my experiences rather than have you learn it the way I did. Respectfully offered. Dave Hardesty - Dave Hardesty Thu, 31 Jul 2008 12:43:06 +0100 http://tracypress.com/content/view/15377/2244/#comment-56515 Oh, and be aware, the Fed, Social Security and the Vetrans Administration, does not accept a Power of Attorney. To get appointed to handle those affairs for a living relative that cannot manage their own affairs, they either have to appoint you as the payee, so you can talk to the VA and Social Secuity office, or you have to drag it through the courts and have the court appoint you as the payee/person that handles their affairs. You also need to be serious about this because you will have to fill out a form for each year that you manage this and provide them proof the monies are being handled appropriately and legally. I know this from the personal experience of managing my mother's affairs. If your loved one becomes so inferm and has not done this task while they are lucid it is very difficult to get this done and they will loose those benefits from those agencies. It's a fact and I have had to personally deal with this for over five years now and just filled out a battery of forms and mailed them off last month for my mother. Dave Hardesty - Dave Hardesty Thu, 31 Jul 2008 12:37:03 +0100 http://tracypress.com/content/view/15377/2244/#comment-56417 My mother is in a convalescent home. She refused to talk about any of it for years at first. I was able to eventually get her to see that I knew how difficult it was for her and I would be with her every step of the way to advise her, if she wished. I called the Ombudsmen at the hospital to help us with the DNR. I worked for months trying to get her to pick out an urn. It took patience but she finally picked one out. I went to the funeral home and they were great. My mother paid for everything. She is alive and has only the things in her room, most of what I provided to make it as homey as possible. She did not want to do the will and still does not. She really has nothing anymore but her family so I stopped asking. Power of attorney is an excellent suggestion amy, My parents however felt they could not give that away and they lost everything to the state to pay there medical bills until it was all gone. Very sad. You work with what you can. We had Hospice care for my Father and she was an angel sent from heaven. These people that do this have a great job and privilege to help family members getting thru the fear that your loved one is in to much pain and that they can ease the patience pain when it becomes to much and a doctor can not be there at every moment to give them essential pain meds. I always wondered amy if we can hand write our own wills. Do you know, anyone know? - maybenotdumBcommenT Thu, 31 Jul 2008 09:33:27 +0100 http://tracypress.com/content/view/15377/2244/#comment-56413 Thank you Kendra, this is a good wake up call for many people. -amy - amy Thu, 31 Jul 2008 09:18:55 +0100 http://tracypress.com/content/view/15377/2244/#comment-56402 Parents should appoint "guardians" for their children, give power of attorney to a trusted person to handle the estates. Not to be morbid, Some Costco has funeral plans, sell casket and urns, too. Much lower in price than retail price. They help you plan ahead, too. This is still not an easy subject for me since it seems so final. But remember your loved ones, lessen the burden for them. If anyone finds this to be a taboo, get someone else to work with you on making the arrangements. Make sure your family physicians know of your wishes, too. DNR in event of terminal patient or respiratory failure. Hospitals and Hospices wants to make the end as easy for the patient without worries to survivors. Thank you. -amy - amy Thu, 31 Jul 2008 09:01:46 +0100 http://tracypress.com/content/view/15377/2244/#comment-56347 Kendra, I am sorry for your loss. I bet your grandfather thought about it a thousand times but to scared to talk about it. And besides, he has a wonderful grand daughter that could take care of him and her grand mother. It is to bad funeral costs are so expensive but you took care of an extremely huge task in your life that you can be proud of. Think about it later and remember your grand father is very proud of what you did for him. And now you can breath. Help other people like you already have and your grand mother will love you even more then she thought she could. - maybenotdumBcommenT Wed, 30 Jul 2008 21:17:05 +0100 http://tracypress.com/content/view/15377/2244/#comment-56321 Besides a living will, you should also have in place an Advanced Medical Directive. There are some of us who do not want to be resusitated and a AMD guarantees that your wishes be granted. Within the AMD you can also specify what organs, if any, you may want to donate. A living will, like Dave is talking about, basically says who you want to appoint as trustee to carry out your wishes of your estate. It's up to that person, or persons, to carry out your living will as you wanted it. And, by your living will, you can also transfer your entire estate over to your children without it going into probate. Did you know that there is no inheritance tax in CA, so there is no need to mention it on your April tax forms. I learned all this 2 mos ago when my mother passed away. I'm glad she had a living trust and had also purchased a burial site back in 1965 as it cost then only $250 compared to, up to, $5,000 nowadays. Caskets are priced from $450 - $25,000. Then you have the mortuary to go to. Some call their price sheet a "shopping list". There's a charge for everything. Closing and locking of the casket. Digging grave. Filling in grave. Funeral director. Hearst. Escort motorcycles. Flowers. Thank you notes. Sign in book. Death certificate copies. (You're going to need a lot of these to close accounts) Coroner fees. Headstone. So you see, if you can get past the morbidity some people have of death, it may be easier on your family if you had all of this arranged in advance. At some time, everybody is going to die. There is no bargaining with God when that time comes. - fortheunderdog Wed, 30 Jul 2008 19:00:56 +0100 http://tracypress.com/content/view/15377/2244/#comment-56292 Even young couples should discuss a "Living Will". It does not mean you will be guaranteed a long life, death can be so unexpected, plan well. Thanks. -amy - amy Wed, 30 Jul 2008 15:08:53 +0100 http://tracypress.com/content/view/15377/2244/#comment-56253 My deepest sympathy for your loss, can see he was loved. God Bless Your Grandmother! -amy - amy Wed, 30 Jul 2008 14:01:53 +0100 http://tracypress.com/content/view/15377/2244/#comment-56252 Good article, been through it myself with my deceased husband. Living Will is good plan to put into place, it is when the family understands the request of the terminally ill patients. That way, they will get their "house" in order. Isn't there a program on a disc that allows the person to draw up "Living Will, to cut the legal expenses? It makes it easier for the hospital to work around these wishes, too. Thank you. -amy - amy Wed, 30 Jul 2008 14:00:30 +0100 http://tracypress.com/content/view/15377/2244/#comment-56162 If you really love these people investigate these things and tend to them before the event happens. Contact places like Hospice and ask them what is necessary for you to prepare yourself for the end. A good geriatric lawyer is very good to help you through these decisions. Take a trip over to the senior center and ask them for information. If you do, while your loved ones will certainly grieve over your demise, they will love you even more for having the insight to take care of these things so that they don’t have this additional very complex burden thrust upon them to deal with on top of the emotions surrounding your demise. Dave Hardesty - Dave Hardesty Wed, 30 Jul 2008 09:51:42 +0100 http://tracypress.com/content/view/15377/2244/#comment-56161 By all means, make a will. If you have ever seen the state bust up an estate without the benefit of a will you have no idea the stress and heartache of your loved ones that you leave behind. A very good will, and I recommend a living trust myself with powers of Attorney for both medical and financial decisions, can be had for somewhere around $2,500. At least that is what mine cost about a year ago. Long term disability, which has to be taken out before an incident occurs that can place you in a place like a nursing home is around $2,000 per year. That is what my policy costs and is well worth the expense considering that most of us end up in a nursing home because our loved ones lack the capability to give us what we need to survive. At death, make sure your loved ones who will be handling things like your funeral and closing your financial estate get multiple copies of your death certificate. If you think you need 10 then get 20. Believe me if you have gone through this experience you will thank me for telling you this. Look, no sane individual likes to contemplate their own demise. Yes, it’s uncomfortable. But think on the stress and heartache your loved ones will needlessly suffer if you don’t prepare for the occurrence of death that any of us, healthy or sick, will escape. - Dave Hardesty Wed, 30 Jul 2008 09:51:20 +0100 http://tracypress.com/content/view/15377/2244/#comment-56160 Kendra A very well written article and I am very sorry for your family's personal loss. Having gone through this experience in my own life I completely understand where you are coming from. People of Tracy, this is a continuing story with our elderly and one that all of you should address before the end comes. Kendra failed to mention things like nursing homes. Places where the infirm and elderly can be taken care of and get the care they need when it becomes impossible for family members to take care of them. Does anyone have any idea what the monthly costs of these facilities are? The last time I looked into that issue the cost was $6,500 and more per months based on the care that is required. Long term disability insurance can cover these costs if you get those policies before something happens. And yes, you can get state assistance but the restrictions are phenomenal and if you desire to leave anything to your children and grandchildren you will be sorely disappointed in that the State cannot help you with assistance until you have almost completely drained all of your hard earned financial resources. The fact is that none of us are going to make it out of here alive and death is simply another part of living. If you plan for it, from what I have witnessed, it's not all that bad. If you think it's never going to happen to you or that you are going to witness the second coming before you die, you are going to really have a hard time of it. - Dave Hardesty Wed, 30 Jul 2008 09:50:53 +0100